I, The Evolution

I sat in my car outside my lousy job in "sales", listening to a song by Pink Floyd on a CD I burned. I couldn't really imagine working here for much longer, it always became deppressing on the night shift. My whole life to sum things up, has had it's amounts of minor trauma, and affirmations of beauty. I had a good exscuse for working here, I'm only 17, and was 16 when I started. I started five days before my birthday, and guess what, I had to work it. Those bastards pay me 7.50 an hour to be this bored and pissed off in the same breath. I don't think it's a fit place for me anymore. A friend tells me about a good job I could apply at with him, a state job where I get benefits and 10.00 an hour. If anything I could really use it as a change of scenery. But, still I sit here in my car listening to the last of this song before I go in for a lousy six hour shift with a redneck and her son.
It wasn't long untill they stopped giving me hours, they wanted me to quit because they fucked up. Moments before they told me this, I had recieved an application at that state job. So I just picked up my check and told them "have a good day". They'll need it, miserable job that is. I drove home, filled out the application then turned it in a couple or so days later.
Time passed, they never called me or my friend about the job. Essentially they weren't even hiring from what I understood. Summer came ot a close and I had to go back to school. I used to go to a standard High School, but for my senior year to catch up on what I need to do I go to an alternative school called the "R.E.A.L School". It gets a bad reputation, but it's quite the opposite. At the High School, they teach you to give into instict, and to fear change which is essential for humanity to survive. Go figure no one makes two and two. So in the eyes of a typical student, they are refrained from going to the R.E.A.L school out of fears of becoming a failure and an outcast of humanity. Little do they know, the ones that go my path become more likely for success simply being there are so few of us. It's for the better it's instilled with fear to go to this school - that way it stays small and sane...for the moment. Before school started I had also filled out an application for a Hannaford's right behind the Dunkin Donuts I used to work at. They accepted me, interviewed me, accepted me fully and put me through a three hour orientation. All the while I had my doubts. So on the third day of school (fourth for all else due to my father's surgery) I decided not to show up for training. I said to myself "fuck it, life isn't supposed to make me this fucking miserable". I was smart enough to make it a point to myself to see that life is supposed to be beautifull, and not about "the sweat on your brow" which is, of course, another brainwashed American tradition. So later on into the year, a couple months, I looked deeper into this "Anti-IRS" web-site. I chose the right thing and decided not to file my income-tax, the next step was to actually do it, come time around April 15th the next year. I talked to Bill Conklin about it, and he answered my questions. He seems like a good guy, so I hope I can trust him when this all happens.
I ended up deciding that it was a bad idea to go against the government when applying for a government job. So I put those plans at a standstill untill I could really get a foothold in the system.
Late 2008, and early 2009 I tried to make relations with this one girl I liked but as predicted I failed horribly. It was at this point I decided for myself that it wasn't worth it at this stage in my life. I can't take this shit anymore at my age and I certainly don't feel like dealing with many more "rejections" as so seen on shitty T.V. shows.
But...something changed in me. Probably hope; I was making a re-cut of the movie "The Big Lebowski" when I turned around to my other computer to see her online. Something drew me to say something to her, so I did. We got to talking, forgetting my last embarrassing approach I succeeded in setting up a day with her. We watched a couple horror movies at her friends house, afterwards we talked from 11:30PM to 4:30AM. It was then I decided that this was a good thing, and not a thing to leave in the wind. Over the next couple of months I would worry about a bunch of small things, but I did manage to see her a couple more times. Went to a campfire with friends to find out my friends were willing to disregard me to have her, and then we decided to watch a movie together alone in her room. She was tired so she fell asleep next to me on her bed, I don't blame her but from what I saw; she was happy and comfortable around me. Little by little, my fears leave me so I can let in more of this love. This lasted for only so long...after a while I felt like she forgot about me, I'd invite her to places and she'd never respond, and when she did it was rejection. To be honest, it's hard to remember exactly why I decided to cut off from her. But I do remember the connection, it was the first in my life. Well worth the time initially, but one hell of a war in the end. It bothered me untill I found out why she was the way she was, I called it my "harvest theory" where her insecurities drive her to engage in numerous platonic relationships with males. It helped me not go back to it, but I never stopped caring. You just can't when someone like that was on your mind all the time, you gave too much of a shit to just let it go and slide away.